| I WIN. |
[Jan. 17th, 2010|12:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
In my message to GIC while applying for internship:
"I noticed that lack of the disclaimer that "Only shortlisted candidates will be notified" on your website, and I thank you for that. It is most unpleasant to be rejected and yet not offered advice for improvement. "
After submitting the application, what I saw:
"Due to the high volume of applications during this period, we will not be able to contact you if you have not been shortlisted."
LOSE. |
|
|
| progress |
[Jan. 16th, 2010|10:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pleased | ] |
even i surprise myself sometimes. it may not be superb, neither the most emotional, nor the most beautifully written, given the boundaries of my words.
but at least i'm doing it. |
|
|
| 2008-2009 |
[Jan. 6th, 2010|10:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
here comes the long overdue post reflecting upon the trials and tribulations in the past two years. so much for the new year's resolution of not procrastinating.
to be truly honest to myself, 2008 and 2009 have been a waste. amidst the flurry of booking in, booking out and trying to savour every moment outside the green, brown world of conscription, i never truly achieved what i wanted to. for one, i detested national service for the regimentation and discipline, for the freedom it took away, for my two precious years of adolescence taken from me not by choice. that resentment spilled over to the people i met in my course of service, and i never bothered to know them, to see them as individuals, fellow humans with dreams and aspirations too. all i saw were slaves, slaves to the nation, and through that stained glass i could never see friendship.
a lot of the regulars that i met reinforced that notion. mostly they were like lost sheep in need of a shepherd, wandering around aimlessly not knowing where to graze. they would starve without their iron rice bowl placed before them at every meal. and those who finally saw that the world was plentiful, that pastures abound across the hills and valleys outside of the pens they were in, became jaded and yearned to escape into the wild. and some, having slipped through a hole in the fence, promptly squeezed themselves back in for fear of the wolves lurking outside.
that skewed perspective naturally carried over to life outside of camp. i mostly alienated myself from friends, thinking that i had no time to spare. there were so many other important things i wanted to do, needed to do, but in reality, i did nothing of consequence. i had allowed myself to join the ranks of the mindless drones, running in circles like headless chickens, lost in a bureaucratic system designed specifically for that purpose.
much as i'd like to forget the existence of these two years for the life they took out of me, they have given me more than just white hairs. they gave me different lenses to glimpse through and see the world in a different light. they taught me to be grateful; for warm showers, for being able to choose what to eat, for early nights and late nights, for the internet, for friends that matter, for family, and for you.
to you, thank you. thank you for being so supportive throughout these two years, for enduring the pain we had to go through together, for the nights when i hardly had time to call in bmt, for the nights you stayed up late while i hid under my blanket and chatted in ocs, for your forgiveness on the days when i was late for our dates and for the days i had to cancel because of training, for writing notes and letters of encouragement throughout the various field camps and overseas trips, for the countless smses that we exchanged, for looking past my immaturity at times, for being there when i needed you, and for loving me. thank you.
to all the other friends that i have neglected, i am sorry. i sincerely wish i had paid more attention to you, celebrated your joys and drowned your sorrows. i ask for your forgiveness and understanding. please feel free to rant at me and i promise i will reply.
2008 and 2009 may have been years of apologies.
may 2010 be a year of gratitude.
cheers. |
|
|
| copenhagen my ass |
[Dec. 15th, 2009|07:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
new zealand has got it right in water conservation. instead of having one of those 'mixer' taps, have two taps- one scalding hot, another freezing cold. then you end up using mugs to brush your teeth or filling the sink to wash the dishes.
and hell, i'm pretty sure you won't stay in the shower long either. |
|
|
| lost. |
[Jun. 21st, 2009|12:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
some days i really need you. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2009|11:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
drip. drip.
drop.
|
|
|
| burning up inside |
[May. 18th, 2009|12:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
How. How do relationships work? What is the binding thread that holds together such a fragile creation?
If all humans were atoms, we would be held together by weak Van der Waal forces. Through interaction and maybe a bit of chemical reaction, we're able to form stronger bonds. One sided relationships would be like hydrogen bonds, while your typical boy-girl relationship would correspond ionic bonds. And when you finally become one, you form the much sought covalent bond with your lifetime partner. Till death do you part, death being like radioactive decay.
But all bonds can be broken. Given enough time, enough pressure, under the right circumstances, it will break. |
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|
| conscious unconscious |
[Apr. 2nd, 2009|08:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
Today I had what I believe was my first lucid dream. I recall somehow realising that I was asleep in bunk, and thus was dreaming. I remember pinching my face and feeling no pain, instead a fuzzy feeling, like pins and needles sans the agony. More like white noise on telly. Bzz.. Bzz..
Some guy wearing a white tee and jeans with an indistinct face walked by and I looked at him, commanding "Explode!".
But he didn't!
He looked at me nonchalently and said "I don't explode", brushing me off lightly and walking away.
So I tried to conjure up thousands of hot babes, every one that I could possibly dream of. (pun intended.)
But that didn't work either.
My mind must have thought, "What the heck. Wake up."
And so I did, thinking what a strange first lucid dream that was. |
|
|
| entropy |
[Mar. 31st, 2009|10:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pensive | ] |
The eye of the mind. Plant something inside that everyone can see and you will succeed. Because they will believe.
-----------
Reality is as you see it. What if the world is what you've imagined in your head, and nothing else? Or certain things don't "exist", but are conjured of the mind?
-----------
It's so interesting to see the difference between the believers and non-believers. The question of absolute faith vs questioning your faith. The betterment of grades, the quitting of smoking, the changes in character for right morals and values. The effect is the same, the cause difffers: One says God inspired it, another believes in the "human effect". Neither can be said to be wrong. What is of interest here is the upbringing of these two individuals - what led to their present beliefs.
How easily the believer can be exploited, whether the believer is weak-minded. How the non-believer, in only believing in himself, fails to succeed in simply being limited by himself, his means, instead of believing that everything is possible, that miracles can happen. |
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|
| stardust |
[Mar. 16th, 2009|12:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
"i don't like you. no, i don't love you either."
and with those words, a fragment of his fragile heart chipped away and splintered into a million pieces.
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|
|
| the silent voice |
[Feb. 28th, 2009|02:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
in the quiet of the night, a tap-tap-tapping on my keyboard. i have lost the motivation to write, to type, to keep the memories of this wretched life. it's more like a black canvas with splotches of bright colours than a clean one with blotted spots.
the fingers, they don't move so well anymore. words come out jumbled, mixed, like the typing of a dyslexic person. but oh the phrases, the sentences, the paragraphs, they inundate my head and swish around so fluently, looking for a means of escape. but there is none. not from the hands, neither the tongue. twisted or tied or whatever they call it.
but maybe, just maybe, if i sit here in the quiet of the night, tap-tap-tapping on my keyboard, the voice inside my head can be born and see light. concentrate. focus on each character. let it come to life and dance on the white paper (or the script as they call it), except this is no pulp from the trees, trees that have lived and basked under the radiant sunlight. this is but a false creation of life, dubbed as 'virtual reality'.
and as suddenly as it began, it so abruptly stops. |
|
|
| http://www.powertyping.com/typing_test/typing_test.shtml |
[Feb. 22nd, 2009|10:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
your typing rate is : 60 wpm
words typed : 75
mistakes made : 18
which is 14.4 mistakes per minute
your typing rate is : 70 wpm
words typed : 84
mistakes made : 14
which is 11.7 mistakes per minute
your typing rate is : 74 wpm
words typed : 57
mistakes made : 9
which is 11.5 mistakes per minute
and so i realise that my psychomotor skills have slowly but surely begun to walk the path of decadence.
i can shoot. i can run. i can do chin-ups. i can jump. i can climb obstacles.
but i can't type. i can't write. i can't speak.
explains the lousy word challenge scores.
(ugh. i hate the millions of typos i'm having.) |
|
|
| what do you fear |
[Feb. 21st, 2009|01:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | confused | ] |
where have i been all this while?
it's like a rude awakening from a saccharin slumber, a sleep so sweet it kills me inside. |
|
|
| welcome, 2009. |
[Jan. 1st, 2009|10:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
new year, new resolutions. new friends, new experiences. new opportunities, new challenges. 2009 is steeped in novelty, freshness of a new beginning, leaving behind the manacles and chains of the past year.
time. that which you can run from but never hide. another year etched onto our bodies; memories imbrued into our heads; emotions carved into our hearts.
goodbye, 2008.
(i wish.. i wish.. i could write this better.) |
|
|
| untitled. |
[Dec. 18th, 2008|01:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  listless | ] |
break my heart, why don't you. |
|
|
| smell the flowers. |
[Dec. 14th, 2008|04:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
only in scarcity do we treasure these precious moments. |
|
|
| the aged demon |
[Oct. 3rd, 2008|02:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
the lonely gait of a shadow under the crepuscular sky. |
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